Beautiful Birds
by YourMyLight-1
Summary: Emma's had a terrible accident and passed away. A year later, Regina's still grieving, but something's gotta change. (Mix of elements from the show and invented stuff. Scrambled chronology)
1. Chapter 1

**Beautiful birds**

"You're Henry's birthmother?" Regina asked incredulously. The young woman smiled awkwardly, "yeah". A feeling washed over Regina as though she'd seen the blonde before. Someplace, sometime long, long ago. It was a pleasant feeling, like tea settling in your stomach after a long cold day. For a second, she basked in the sensation, then it subsided.

Black.

A voice boomed: "He's not, he's mine! You can pretend all you want, but we know how you are and who you will always be!"  
Regina gasped for air, as something grabbed her throat. Then a sting, somewhere around her chest. Immediate and painful, as though somebody had stabbed her. _Am I bleeding?_ she thought in panic. Quickly, she brought her hands up to her bosom, but she grabbed into thin air. The place where her body should be, was empty. Looking down, she couldn't even see her hands. But she could see. Or couldn't she? It dawned on her that it was pitch-black, and silent, too silent.

"Hello?" she yelled, but she wasn't entirely sure if the echo was really there, or if it just resounded in her head. Did she have a head? She tried to check, but remembered there were no hands. "Please, someone?" _please someone? please someone? plea- omeone? ea-one?_ The pain increased, and Regina fell to her knees. There was no solid ground, she sat on the dark air. "Please?..." _So this is dying_ , she thought, with tears in her eyes.

All of a sudden a flash of light burst through the darkness. Quickly, Regina rose to her feet, as thousands of will-o-the-wisps appeared on the walls of what was clearly a tunnel. A jet-black tunnel, with no exit. The wisps disappeared for a second, only to reappear inside shiny, ornamented mirrors. Regina blinked and the wisps had switched places with a face. _Emma!_

"I'm sorry. I didn't intend to cause you pain," the mirrors all said at the same time.  
The faces leapt out of their frames and swirled together into one mass of strings that started to surround Regina's head. She squinted and fought them off with her hands. But it was in vain.  
"Well, your intentions really don't matter!" Regina screamed, anger and disappointment surging inside of her. Hot tears streamed down her face.  
Strong gusts of wind came up, pushing her into different directions. They pulled at her. Emma's voice was all around, saying all kinds of different things.

"I saved you, now save me, and if you can't save me, destroy me" was the last thing Regina heard before the mirrors vanished one by one until only her own mirror remained. The one from her vault. There was a nagging ache in the background, that she ignored. She sighed, "What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone, Swan? Go away!"  
Regina turned around, but there was nothing behind her, save the Storybrooke forest and an ice-monster and the yellow bug driving away.

"Emma! Emma!" Regina screamed, running after the car. "Emma? Emma? Maybe I need you! Emma? EMMA, watch out!" A red light, a truck, glass shattered shards flying through the sky. _Are those stars?_ An ambulance? "Emma!"

"Looks like the mayor is very busy" a voice said suddenly.  
"Huh? Aargh!" Regina woke up lying with her head on her desk. Rays of sunshine shot through the office, while Leroy pulled up the shutters.  
Regina groaned sleepily as she pushed herself up,"Hm, lower the blinds, Leroy. Ah, my head! And leave me alone and go... do whatever it is you're doing lately! Digging or something."  
"I don't do digging anymore. I had an "upgrade". I'm the postman now and boy, I've never been happier!" Leroy said ironically, while picking up a few empty bottles.  
"Who sent you?" Regina asked, while wiping the remainders of her mascara off her cheeks. "Zelena? Snow?"  
"No. Henry did," Leroy answered grumpily. "He ain't heard nothing' from you in months. Told me to check up on you, and looks like it was high time to do so," he pointed at the mess around him. "Time to start picking up the pieces, mrs. It's been long enough you've been in here."  
Regina simply stared at him. "Well?" Leroy said.  
"What?" she looked at him not understanding.  
"What _what_? You haven't any future plans? Henry ain't gonna be happy to hear that... and Snow, and the rest. Told me they're worried sick about you... bluh, sentimental rubbish." Leroy said, while taking bin bags from his backpack.  
"So it was Snow." Regina stood up, her legs a bit wobbly. "What I will or will not do is none of her business. Tell her that. Can't they cut me some slack? I'm grieving for God's sake!" She felt a little dizzy, and the start of a throbbing headache made her sit down again.  
"We're all grieving, but are we locking ourselves up? Are we wallowing in our sadness?"  
"Eh 'wallowing'?" Regina interrupted, but Leroy ignored her.  
"No, we don't. But _you_? You even insist on coming back to the very place that has all the painful memories."  
"I had to!"  
"Instead of seeking comfort with your family, with the people that care for you. But at the end of the day, with or without the evil queen inside of you, that doesn't matter to you. You'll get there on your own, don't ya? You don't give a -"  
"That's enough! Just leave the bottles and get out of my office, please", Regina said coldly. "And I won't ask nicely again."  
"Pathetic" Leroy said, while strapping his bag on again and leaving.

Regina watched the door fall into the lock again. It was a deja-vu. Almost the exact same thing had happened the last time she'd seen Emma. They'd argued for a while about a stupid, stupid little issue. And after a while, Emma got so fed up with it, she'd left, not even bothering to slam doors or yelling things she'd regret afterwards. The office had been dead silent.

Even thinking of it now opened the wound again. Regina felt her face crumple up, her lips were quivering and tears started in her eyes once more. She buried her face in her hands, and sank down on the floor.  
"Oh, Emma... I miss you" she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

400 days. Regina put another mark on the wall. She stepped back a little to overlook it. For 400 days she'd imprisoned herself in her office in Storybrooke. And most of those days, she'd spent on her own. But now things were going to change. Change for the better, or at least that was the objective. And even though she knew she had to let go, and take a brand new start, she couldn't shake the feeling that going back to the Enchanted Forest wasn't her destiny.

"You ready?" a voice asked from behind. It was Snow, grabbing the last bits of luggage.  
"Snow, I've been thinking, and I've changed my mind," Regina said with a concerned look on her face.  
"What? R-Regina, you can't withdraw now, surely? Everything is ready, we're all waiting to go, David has just opened the portal and-"  
"As if the portal is that big of a problem."  
"Well, no. But think about Henry and Lucy, they're expecting you! Everyone is anxious to see their queen after more than a year."  
"I know, I'm just not sure whether _returning_ is the right thing to do."  
"It's going to be alright. Besides, there's no alternative, I won't let you lock yourself away, not again," Snow said, shaking her head with resolution. "You need us, and we need you."  
Regina shot her a scoffing glance. "Oh please."  
"Emma wouldn't have wanted you to sulk your days away. And I don't mean to be disrespectful or dismissive," Snow added quickly, "I'm the first to acknowledge the hole she left behind. I miss her everyday! There is no pain that compares to this, believe me. Losing your child like this, it's hell, it's worse than hell... but we have to move on eventually, whether we want it or not."  
"Who says I'm not moving on?"  
"Well, if you plan on staying here -"  
"I want to move to New York. And I'm well aware that that place is also full of memories. But it's also a place of opportunities, a place where I can come to my senses and maybe accomplish what I've been dreaming of doing for a long time."  
Snow looked askance. "What is that?"  
Regina sighed and rubbed her gloved hands together. "Open a teahouse."  
Snow dropped the box she was holding, the contents of it scattering over the marble floor. "Open a _teahouse_?"  
"Yes? Why do you sound so surprised? It's you who told me to come up with a future plan. Or do you think I'm not capable of something so "ordinary"?" Regina asked, stooping to put the trinkets and photo frames back in the box.  
"Er... No!," Snow exclaimed, dropping to her knees as well, "I'm just... this seems to come out of nowhere, that's all. I didn't even know you had long-term dreams after... you know, killing me."  
Regina sucked her lip, opened her mouth to say something and closed it again. "Yes, I have dreams, Mary Margaret. And you don't sound convinced at all. Don't you think it's an idea worth considering?"  
"Yes, no... er yes, I think you'll do just fine, really! I just have to adjust to the image, I guess," Snow said, taking the box from Regina's hands. "But, what about us?"  
"What about you?"  
"Aren't you even going to pay a visit? Everyone will be so disappointed... Maybe, just maybe, you could stop by for a week or two and take some advice from Granny? She's run a diner for over 30 years, so she can teach you the ropes? A few lessons from her and you'll certainly have the best teahouse in the whole of the Big Apple."  
"It _is_ a scary world out there..." Regina said, pondering the suggestion. "But no, I think I'm going to pass. If I don't leave now, I may never. And besides, I had a bar in Seattle."  
"Right, I forgot you had a life there... but what about your belongings? David will have thrown most of it through the portal by now."  
"I don't care for them. A whole new beginning, that's what I want. To leave my whole past behind me," Regina said.  
"But... Lucy? Hope?" Snow tried.  
"Hope? I bet she'll be just fine with that drunk pirate for a father, I'm sure. He managed till now, a few years more won't hurt him," Regina said indifferently. And about my granddaughter, tell Lucy I need to figure things out, but that I will return. Eventually." Her voice was resolute, she had made up her mind.  
"Well, then... there's nothing more to say, is there? You're off to New York, there's nothing stopping you," Snow said defeated, putting the box down again on the table. She went for the door, but before going through, she briefly turned round.  
"I hope you know what you're doing, Regina, because this was your last chance this year to cross realms. And the next batch of magic beans won't be reaped till next year, so you'll be stuck here for a while. And none of us will be here to catch you when you fall."


End file.
